Time to ‘Man Up’ to the Standard of Respect

dhI have a message for people who behave like Chris Gayle did in a moment of foolishness – who would prefer to look cool rather than cater to another person’s dignity.

You think you’re a man, but you’re only a boy, for boys haven’t yet learned that if there’s any person who deserves respect it’s the one who was born to be respected: she is a woman, typically the godliest of creatures. Let me qualify those last four words: most women who are crass have learned that if you can’t beat (the men) you join them. Most women would much prefer just being real. Most women just want men to be real, and not hide behind a false egoistic bravado. (It goes without saying that men deserve a man’s respect, too.)

Isn’t it so unfortunately ironic that the phrase ‘man up’ comes as a macho call to do what men apparently do – to ‘toughen up, princess.’ The great pity is, that in ‘manning up’ and ‘toughening up’ – when it’s done at the expense of others – a scandalous insult against the real term of

Why Do People Who Fear Being Abandoned End Up With People Who Fear Being Smothered

dsWhile there will be times when someone will want to be around others, there will also be times when they want to be by themselves. And as to how long someone will spend in the company of others or in their own company can depend on a number of factors.

Human beings are not all the same and this means that it is to be expected that they will have the need to experience life differently. For example, one person might have a greater need to be around others and another person might have a greater need to be by themselves.

In A Relationship

As a result of this, the first person may want to be with someone who wants to be around others as much as they do. Yet the second person may want to be in a relationship with someone who also likes their own space.

Through matching up in these ways, there could be a greater chance of them having a relationship that is fulfilling. Another way of looking at this would be to say that they will both be on the same wavelength, so

Why Do Some People Always End Up With People They Can Control

wIf one was to read a description about what it means to have a healthy relationship, they are unlikely to come across the importance of one person controlling the other. If they were to come across the word ‘control’, they may hear about the importance of self-control.

This is because there are likely to be times in a relationship when one will have the desire to do something that is not in their best interests. In this case, they will need to keep a close eye on what is taking place within them and to delay gratification.

As Time Passes

They may find that as time passes, it will be possible for them to fulfil a need that they had to put to one side at another point in time. However, at the same time, this could relate to a need that they won’t be able to fulfil.

It could be said that that will define whether one can fulfil a need will all depend on what the need is. For example, part of them may feel the need to buy something, but if they were to

Things to Do When Feeling Lonely

Loneliness is a state experienced by everybody, even introverts. There is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Being alone; a state of being by oneself, is actually healthy since everyone needs a little time away from others to plan, consider, and simply rest. When you feel lonely, it is an entirely different matter.

It is normal to feel lonely from time to time, but too much loneliness can be unhealthy or even dangerous. Many studies have associated feelings of loneliness and isolation to depression, mental illness, and even physical conditions such as high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, and insomnia.You shouldn’t allow yourself to feel lonely for prolonged periods of time. Here are things to do when you feel lonely; to make you feel healthier, less painful alone, and more integrated.

Join a Club

Join a club that deals in activity you have interest or talents in. Even the smallest town usually has at least some clubs. Maybe you enjoy chess and you would like to play with others to sharpen your skills. You can even consider joining a club dealing in something you’ve never tried before: wine tasting, pottery, writing, dancing etc. Joining a club is a good way to

Throwing Shadows

One does not often hear this term today, but in 1977, we heard it a lot. It was part of the song lyrics of Billy Joel’s hit, “She’s Always a Woman to Me.” Web search that song to see all of the lyrics. It is still a cool song today. The lyrics speak to me about behaviors that I have encountered in women that have touched my life. What do you suppose that Billy tells us when he says of the woman about which he sings, “The most she will do is throw shadows at you?”

I have read some treatises about the meaning. One of them is that she stands in a spotlight or sees herself like a rock star. She does not see her man. He gets only her shadow. My analysis: That one does not work for me. Another is that she is a gloomy person, that she casts her shadow on her man, to bring him down. My analysis: I don’t like that one either. A third is that she wants to hit her man at times, throws air punches or shadows of a punch at him, meant to wound his pride, self-esteem, or ego, but not

The Secret of Great Relationships

What’s the secret of discovering a true friend or lover? The Secret of Great Relationships? By the word “true” I mainly mean a relationship free of manipulation and ego based behaviors.

The first thing that comes in mind is move towards the mindset of “giving”. Give yourself, your thoughts and your genuine responses. I am sure that you have heard this phrase a thousand times in videos and blog posts but you have failed to do so. First of all “failing” is necessary, it means that you are trying to re-approach yourself by a different angle. Having said that, the phrase “I failed” is more likely to be replaced with “I am moving closer to my goals” because you try to find a solution inwards. If you continually searching outwards then I invite you to search yourself first. How can you actually practice that?

A great book

The first approach is to discover your values. Most people keep saying that they have values but if you challenge them to simplify them and give a straight answer about their first and foremost value, they are unable to do so. There are many exceptional books on that matter, I recommend you to read “Awaken the

What Do You Have to Give to Others

Funny how things change over time. Years ago, homes often had three or more generations living together. My grandparents were a powerful influence on my life.

Today we live in a world where people talk about how busy they are. Often traditions are ignored and holidays are interrupted by competing interests. We may live in situations where we don’t see our family and don’t know our neighbours very well. The result is loneliness and lack of sharing.

This week, think about what you can do to make the lives of others (and yourself) richer. Ancient scripture states that if you cast your bread upon the water it will come back to you. That means that when you give, you will receive. The trick is to give without expecting a reward.

What do you have to give?
1. Your skills – I invest in my grandchildren by teaching them things that I learned as a child. My granddaughter and I do crafts and sew together. Each morning I send my three older grandsons a text about a famous singer from the past and a YouTube attachment so that they can broaden their musical knowledge. All six know that I am here to help with

What Type of Relationship Do You Have

Relationships are more than what we want but they are what we need to be our happiest selves. Unfortunately, they don’t come automatically. Most of us have in our minds what a “good” relationship looks like and we choose partners that fit into that mindset. We’ve all seen couples who seem mismatched, while others appear as if they were meant to be. The following are the top 10 different types of relationships:

The On/Off Couple

First on our list of the top 10 different types of relationships is the on/off couple. This is the couple that gets into a fight at Noon and are back in love by lunchtime. It’s a tug of war with every topic of discussion. Each wants to be right and the solution to a problem is to break up. But they realize they don’t want to be apart, so in no time they are together again.

The Motivational Couple

It’s always good to have that person that encourages you no matter what. This couple finds a way to pump each other up, regardless if it’s getting out of bed in the morning or attending class. Being each other’s cheerleader keeps this relationship at full speed.

The “Married” Couple

Some couples have

Why Are Some People Always Critical Of Men/Women

While someone could be critical of both men and women, they could also be in position where they have the tendency to criticise the opposite sex. And so if they do criticise the same sex, it could be something that rarely takes place.

This could mean that they will have moments where they are able to admit that their sex is not perfect and then shortly after, this could be something that they will soon forget. Through having this approach, it allows them to return to the outlook that the opposite sex is inferior.

One Way

Having said that, one might not have moments where they are able to see that their sex is not perfect. As a result of this, it will only be possible for them to experience life in one way.

Therefore, it won’t matter what men/women do, as their attention is always going to be focused on what they are doing that is wrong. But even though this is the case, it doesn’t mean that one is able to realise what is taking place.

Reality

One could believe that they are simply observing reality, and so the reason they are experiencing life in this way is because that’s what men/women are

A Sense Of Belonging Is A Sense Of Acceptance

A sense of Belonging in its reality, is a sense of Acceptance. All humans have an emotional need and desire for belonging and to be accepted–be it our families, our loved ones, friends or even the environment we live. No one wants to feel rejected or be an outcast in society. I definitely would not wish this on anyone, having experienced rejection at times, in certain circumstances by my own colleagues, who must have labelled me–a “different species” or “one of a kind”, not at par with them, no, not even at their level!

Somehow, there exists in human nature, an inevitable and a strong sense of belonging–in our environment, our families, communities, workplace and in our own society. Regardless of our choice or the choice of others, to belong or not to, can occur subconsciously or selectively in our minds. Although, we may not have the same lifestyle or interests, yet we do want to fit in and be accepted… somehow, sometimes, somewhere.

Imagine, if you were to find yourself in a place or surroundings, even in a situation you are unfamiliar with and unknown, what is your reaction? Whatever it is, just don’t panic, don’t consider taking flight, don’t

Is Being Responsive Important

If one wanted to form new relationships with others, they could pay attention to their appearance and then look into what they can do to improve it. Along with this, one could also look into what else they could do to improve themselves.

And once they have done this, they could end up looking for places where they can socialise with others. However, one could do this without changing their appearance or working on themselves.

Two Approaches

When they are around others, they could be the ones who make the effort, or they could sit back and wait for other people to approach them. As to what approach they take can depend on a number of different factors.

If one is more reserved, for instance, they may find that other people usually take the first step, and when they come into contact with someone, they may prefer to listen. On the other hand, if one is more outgoing they could be the ones who take the first step, and they could then find that they do most of the talking.

Another Experience

Having said that, this might not be the case, and this means that even if one doesn’t take the first step, it doesn’t

Why Do Some People Always Attract People Who Are Self-Centered

Although relationships are based on give and take, it doesn’t mean that this is something always takes place. Instead, one can be in a position where the majority of their relationships are out of balance.

As a result of this, one can find that they give far more than they receive, and this can then cause them to feel as though they are being taken advantage of. And it could be said that it is to be expected that they will feel this way.

Feedback

Their feelings are there to provide feedback, and if they were to ignore this feedback, they would be setting themselves up to suffer unnecessarily. So it will be important for them to pay attention to how they feel.

However, even though this would be the sensible thing to do, it doesn’t mean that one will pay attention to how they feel. Along with this, they could also overlook other people’s behaviour.

Normal

In this case, it could be a sign that one has become accustomed to being around people who are self-centred. This is not to say that they are happy about what is taking place; what it means is that it is what is normal.

On one hand, it will

Why Loving Enemies Is Easier Than Forgiving Friends

FORGIVENESS is no easy matter in some circumstances, yet there was a time when I thought it was easy; a time when I was naïve enough to think I was particularly graced with the gift of forgiveness. God has since shown me something.

We forgive easily when we understand someone has hurt us who doesn’t apparently have the capacity to love. But when a person betrays us who’s earned our trust; that’s a completely different matter.

So, loving our enemies is easy, and it’s our friends that let us down we find unforgivable. Add to this our family. We expect better. But for those we don’t have any expectation of, our understanding and forgiveness is but a transaction – if, that is, we’re schooled in the powerful college of merciful grace.

How can having this knowledge help us? Again, it’s about expectations. When we get close enough to people to trust them, we also begin to expect they’ll respect that trust. But if someone we don’t know harms us, we may still be upset, but their transgression is easier to forgive – they just didn’t understand. And how could they? They’re forgiven.

***

Loving our enemies is easy in comparison to forgiving our friends when

To Regret or To Reconcile

FAMILY celebrations don’t always work out as we plan. Many end up with loved ones warring with each other. New wounds are inflicted or old ones are reopened. So much senseless grief and pain. There is hardly a more salient love than familial love – hurts more than it should, and we forgive more than we should. Rightly or wrongly, all this came to me in a single moment’s vision.

Then another vision: a family photograph of someone else’s family. Like all photographs, a moment is captured as if to fix that image as a solid reminder of history. The picture tells a thousand stories. But, simply this…

We’re all passing away. The day comes soon when we’ll be gone, in deed.

Death. Do you think about it much? Not in a morbid sense. In a historical sense. In a factual sense. It will occur you know. It’s only a matter of time. But what about now… what about the time between now and death, where you have choice in how to act and respond? Through this lens, what changes can you now commit to making?

***

Those family factions that occur, where birds of the same feather flock together… these, too, are times that

When the Best of Family Makes Us Sad

TWENTY-FIRST birthday parties are as poignant as ever, as was my daughter’s recently. I look at my four living children, especially my three-year-old son, and note, with sadness, that they all grow up. The other three have proven that.

That makes me sad – that I can’t snap-freeze these kids in their development and enjoy them more. The purpose of life is that it evolves. It has to. But the by-product of life is that we do grow older and more irrelevant to our children with our years… and still, perhaps when our children relied on us most we felt we were too relevant!

I can remember being a father who wasn’t as intrinsically motivated as I am now. Being intrinsically motivated for the past dozen years doesn’t make parenting any easier. It makes it harder in that I feel what I miss. The best of family makes me sad. There was a time when family wasn’t so central and I felt less… it was easier. But I missed so much more without even realising it.

***

The closer we are to God, the more propensity we have to be honest, the more we wish to live for others and not ourselves, the more

Is Someone Only Friends With You Because They Are Attracted To You

On one hand, there is where one will meet someone who they will become friends with, and on the other hand, there is reason why they will become friends with them. And when it comes to where they can meet someone, this is not going to be limited to one place.

There will be the more traditional places, such as where they work and different social clubs, and as a result of the internet, it is also possible for one to meet people online. It could be said that this is the more direct approach, as one is going to be in the kind of environments where friendships are generally formed.

Social Media

In the past, one wouldn’t have met people online, and this is because this option simply wasn’t available. During the early stages, one could have used a forum or an online chat room to meet people.

And while this is something that can still take place, one can end up using a social media site instead. One can then join a group or connect to someone through replying to a comment that they have made.

Indirect

However, when it comes to a more indirect approach, it would relate to the kind of

10 Signs You’re Becoming the Best of Strangers

There are signs that you’re a committed couple; you know each other’s favorite foods, favorite places, interests, goals, likes and dislikes. When things are in motion to becoming a couple learning more about each other is vitally important; when you’re growing apart, there are different signs. You’re becoming strangers to one another. How can you recognize when this is happening to your relationship?

1) You stop sharing conversations about things that were important to both of you.
2) You stop attending things together that used to be a part of your routine.
3) Your partner is no longer interested in going to family functions together.
4) Your partner gets a new car or other vehicle and you did not know they were looking.
5) Your partner changes jobs; you did not know they were looking.
6) Your opinion about household changes no longer matters.
7) Your partner has new interests you were unaware of.
8) Their opinions about things that were important to both of you are suddenly completely different; someone else’s influence has taken precedence.
9) They fail to notice significant changes about you.
10) Someone outside of your relationship brings a small gift because they knew your partner would

Why Do Some People Always Give Unsolicited Advice?

If one wanted to learn about something, they could read a book or search the internet. Along with this, they could also end up signing up for some kind of course online or in the real world.

It could be said that this is something that will all depend on what it is that they want to learn and how committed they are to learning about it. For example, if one wanted to learn about the history of a sports team, they would be able to do this by going online.

Another Example

On the other hand, if one is in a position where they want to learn about computers, they might end up signing up for a course. This is not to say that they can’t do this through searching the internet; what it partly comes down to is that this will allow them to learn in a structured way.

Still, one might prefer to learn at their own pace and there may then no reason for them to take part in a course. This is likely to be a sign that one is not only driven, but that they have the ability to think for themselves.

Critical Thinking

As if one didn’t have

The Emotional Power of Touch

FORGIVENESS is no easy matter in some circumstances, yet there was a time when I thought it was easy; a time when I was naïve enough to think I was particularly graced with the gift of forgiveness. God has since shown me something.

We forgive easily when we understand someone has hurt us who doesn’t apparently have the capacity to love. But when a person betrays us who’s earned our trust; that’s a completely different matter.

So, loving our enemies is easy, and it’s our friends that let us down we find unforgivable. Add to this our family. We expect better. But for those we don’t have any expectation of, our understanding and forgiveness is but a transaction – if, that is, we’re schooled in the powerful college of merciful grace.

How can having this knowledge help us? Again, it’s about expectations. When we get close enough to people to trust them, we also begin to expect they’ll respect that trust. But if someone we don’t know harms us, we may still be upset, but their transgression is easier to forgive – they just didn’t understand. And how could they? They’re forgiven.

Why Loving Enemies Is Easier Than Forgiving Friends

FORGIVENESS is no easy matter in some circumstances, yet there was a time when I thought it was easy; a time when I was naïve enough to think I was particularly graced with the gift of forgiveness. God has since shown me something.

We forgive easily when we understand someone has hurt us who doesn’t apparently have the capacity to love. But when a person betrays us who’s earned our trust; that’s a completely different matter.

So, loving our enemies is easy, and it’s our friends that let us down we find unforgivable. Add to this our family. We expect better. But for those we don’t have any expectation of, our understanding and forgiveness is but a transaction – if, that is, we’re schooled in the powerful college of merciful grace.

How can having this knowledge help us? Again, it’s about expectations. When we get close enough to people to trust them, we also begin to expect they’ll respect that trust. But if someone we don’t know harms us, we may still be upset, but their transgression is easier to forgive – they just didn’t understand. And how could they? They’re forgiven.

***

Loving our enemies is easy in comparison to forgiving our friends when